Thank you for sticking around for Part 2- this one is a bit more upbeat, we promise.
If you haven't read Part 1 to this 2 part series, we think it's worth a read, and certainly part of the story.
Spoiler alert: Some days are hard, and it's raining, and we can't find an ounce of joy, and some day feel sunny and we can grasp the hands of our people and we can smile a real smile.
This is Justin smiling a real smile. He would much rather be showing up the neighborhood boys with his own scooter tricks, but here he is making lemonade from the lemons.
JUSTIN:
Today is good.
I heard a quote the other day that said "when we find ourselves in our darkest place and we feel like we were buried we must realize that instead we might have been planted."
I have always been a positive person who loved the opportunities that life had to offer. My favorite Bible verse has always been John 10:10 that talks about how Jesus came to give us abundant life. Looking back I definitely lived in the belief that you could have your cake and eat it too. This worked marvelously for me for 35 years. I truly had so much in life. An amazing wife, a beautiful daughter and son on the way, a job that gave me flexibility and I was in charge, a lot of family and friends around me, and dreams for the future that were even better than what I had. My life was very easy though and when things are easy in life it is hard to know who you truly are.
When I received my diagnosis I began the journey of discovering what abundant life truly was and what that Bible verse meant. It's been a process of figuring out what is important in life. I'm still in that process but there's a few things I've learned that I can share.
First, God is faithful to provide what we need when we need it. This truth was evident immediately for us as family was at our house when we got back from receiving the diagnosis. This truth was evident again and again as we took each day at a time. Financially we have more than enough and neither of us really work. Every time we reach the end of our rope someone shows up to give us some of their rope. Pretty much all the equipment I have needed we have been given right before I needed it. As we've needed more help it has shown up.
A second lesson I'm learning is the value of community. This has two parts to it. The more obvious part is that having people around you who love and support you is a crucial part of all of our lives. We all need community regardless of whether we are extroverts or introverts. It's not a popularity contest and the quantity of people in your community is not what is important. I'm talking about having the quality of community where we are not walking alone and are able to be open and honest. The second part of this is that much of the meaning and purpose of life comes from the opportunities we have to serve and love our community. We have been given so much by our community but what really gets me through the day is the few chances I get to pour back into others. What a gift it is to give life to others. The Bible gives the analogy of being the body of christ with each person being a unique body part. When we think of it like that we can easily see the value we all bring to the community. The body can survive without a hand but it won't thrive like it was designed to.
Finally, the scriptures are truly super natural. Consider these facts about the Bible. It was written by 40 different people from three different continents over roughly 1,500 years in Hebrew, Greek, and spoken in Aramaic. It's the only holy book that records the words of God and it cross references itself 63,717 times. Every time I read it I learn something knew and there's no end to the depth of wisdom about life, human psychology, and love. It has been a comprehensive guide book for me through this complex and difficult season of my life. Once a man told me he saw that the Bible was going to be like a balancing pole for me like a tight rope walker uses and that is a great way to describe it. It keeps me from going too far right or left and holds me steady when the winds blow.
This is only a small window into the good that is happening on this journey and I hope to be able to share all of it in future posts but for now I hope it touches you in a special way that spurs you on to thrive in whatever you are walking through in your life.
LORI:
If we base our days solely on the physical struggle of ALS, we’d say our days are pretty gloomy. So, over the last five years we’ve had to develop strategies that both take our eyes off the physicality of our battle in order to refocus our energy on finding peace- it’s a game of diversion, trust, and practicing contentment. This is incredibly challenging considering we are aware of our limitations almost 100% of the time, but we must find a way to make the most of this precious life we’ve been given. And when these strategies work, boy does it feel like we’ve been given a gift!
Some days we feel so dang proud of ourselves. Here we are five years into an impossible diagnosis, still in love with each other, still laughing, smiling, raising children, paying bills, learning, enjoying food and nature …We do not look at these as little things anymore because it takes extra courage and energy to do those while simultaneously living out a terminal illness.
“ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13
Strategy 1: THE ART OF DIVERSION
We find ourselves spiraling down when we look around or ahead… When we see the vacations, houses, job prospects, family time, and proactiveness of our community in comparison to our own limitations we can easily feel like we’re wasting space and don’t fit in.
Part of diversion is being able to identify the lies that are ingrained in our thought patterns and reroute as quickly as possible. Another part is building new thoughts to replace unhelpful thoughts, comparison or lies!
We have to notice our “triggers”- whether they are truthful thoughts or not- and choose not to linger.
A wise friend of ours recently encouraged us to try the “2-minute rule”, and oh, how I wish I started practicing this years ago! The general concept is if a dark thought comes to mind and it feels overwhelming, think on it for only 2 minutes and then at the end if it hasn’t improved us and/or our situation then MOVE ON! Do not dwell, or get stuck in the vicious cycle of trying to fix the unfixable. This practice takes us out of the dark abyss of what’s around us or our future and helps divert our attention and energy back to the present.
Justin and I both serve each other by giving space, tough love when needed, truth-filled prayers and words and then reach out to our people when we can’t find it for ourselves. It’s so helpful to have a strategy for how to get out of a dark cycle.
Strategy 2: TRUST GOD
How can we continue to value the things of this world when it feels so consistently out of reach or has lost its luster? No, we must finally turn our affections to something else, something that is within reach and ever-lasting... If not for the peace that comes with letting go, then for the grabbing hold of a more worthy investment of our time and energy.
We have asked SO MANY QUESTIONS. And we have received some answers that satisfy, but we also have many questions that remain unanswered. We feel our humanness is a pretty raw way, which is an ever-present reminder that we are not God and do not have the full landscape of eternity. This is incredibly frustrating to our Western minds which are constantly searching for concrete answers, or our American minds which feel like we deserve answers, or even our Christian minds that feels like we already know enough about God to claim, demand or expect a different outcome. But, as we loosen our grip on our desires to KNOW the unknowable we have become less invested in our former pursuits and are grabbing hold of something that feels far more more valuable- we are becoming more settled with the concept of letting relationship with God in the midst of a storm be our precious reward.
Strategy 2: FINDING JOY + PRACTICING CONTENTMENT:
To cherish LIFE in the intense way we do is the gift we never wanted to receive the hard way, but we’ve grown to appreciate our expanding perspective. Of course I don’t want to be content and find peace with a situation I never wanted, but at the same time fighting a battle that can’t be won in our earthly power is an exhausting and fruitless battle… and so we try to choose peace!
We choose peace and contentment when we...
Put away meaningless arguments, because they pale in comparison to the more important fight.
Realize we’d rather link arms with each other and our community than live a life judging, comparing and striving after.
Hold our children so close and desire intimacy for your family unit and invest time purposefully.
Put down accomplishing, building and hoarding and instead live with a more simplistic view of our “things”.
Investing our time in living out our values within our home….
When we have taken our thoughts captive, and shift our trust to Him, we then try to linger in that place a bit longer! To linger in a place that doesn’t require the approvals or status of this world, and rest in His Fellowship feels like the true rest we all need.
While I'LL NEVER STOP contending for healing for my husband, we are trying to be content in our today and trust GOD with our tomorrow.
The life you are choosing to live in the midst of the diagnosis is truly God breathed. I'm sure there are days and moments that you don't feel like choosing it but I can see when you do the glory of God is revealed in the hard. Thank you for sharing what God is doing in and through you as you continue to choose life in Jesus!