If you’ve found our newsletter, you may be looking for “those people who understand” as you walk through your own hard season, or maybe you’re a friend or family member looking for deeper understanding- hi!
We’ve found writing to be a sort of therapeutic exercise that allows us to document, process and share honestly with ourselves...it feels like a bold and ultra-vulnerable step to share our processing with a larger audience, but it also feels honest. For years we have been conflicted on what and how much to share with a broad audience, but for now, we’re choosing to put our thoughts out there and trust others to hold the “in-process”. We hope that along with our honest words you also find some healing words to carry with you.
Life changed rapidly when Lori was about one month pregnant with our second child. Justin started experiencing weakness in his right hand, which was uncommon for him- an incredibly fit and active 35 year old, who enjoyed backpacking, soccer, running, and rough-housing with his 2 year old daughter- so, naturally, we took the symptoms seriously at the advice of a friend and after several months of inconclusive blood tests, MRI's, EMG's, spinal taps and multiple doctors our worst fears were realized on December 14, 2020 at UPenn.
Our world as we knew it came to a screeching halt that day, which we now refer to as our “D-Day”. Dreams were paused, our desires to grow our family felt crushed, and our work, time and resources were drastically altered as we shifted under the weight of the terrible diagnosis of ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease.
It's crazy to look back at the last five years- in a way, we're impressed that we've made it this far. Some days feel insurmountable and we're leveled by the ruthless and relentless trauma of this diagnosis and the daily impact it's had on our family and future. But, most days God in His goodness and mercy sends help- others to lift our arms when we can't stand. And we can trace His fingerprints from the very first show of symptoms.
We can both attest to life-giving moments where we see life more clearly than before as we sit with our mortality and hold our fragile and often mundane lives with as much grace as we can. We've had moments where God has felt so incredibly near and we try to linger and let His presence minister to us and heal our hurts.
Our emotions can change daily as we cycle through the very human rhythm of clinging and releasing. Let's just say it's been a process that has forever changed our physical bodies, but also our hearts and minds in ways we never imagined. We can’t wait to share what we’re learning.
While we’re both walking firmly hand-in-hand, we have gleaned unique insights from this beast of a mountain. And so, our goal is to both share on the same topic from our unique perspectives- from Justin (the one needing care) and from Lori (the one giving care).
May our words be used to help orient you towards truth.
Justin + Lori
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